I hate IF

the person that I loved veryyyyyyy much when I was in 9th grade, Asun, texted me again today. we talked about a lot of light things and stuffs, and suddenly I slipped out to him that I had a boyfriend now (r*****, if you read this blog, yes, it's you)

and then, he told me, "If you still remember, in the past you have ever told me that having relationship was something which it is so precious for you when it really happened in your life. but something which its so precious for you was held by someone that you even never met in your whole life. it's nothing but really weird for me"


is it, really weird for you? .___.

then, I told my best friend, Jessica, she told me that Asun was jealous and pissed off. she means, after all the things and sacrifices that he had done for me and he felt very close with me to get me, now a guy who's suddenly came into my life being my boyfriend as well, defeated him. so, asun got broken hearted again because of me. he isn't willing to let me go with strange guy.

I was spechless with asun emoticons. he never used " ^ ^ " whenever texting me.. but he did it today, when I was talking about my boyfriend. It scared me so much.. I know if he is mad at me.. he is sad, also pissed..



then... talking about past

now who's wrong???

I did rp because of him!!!!!! because I thought he didnt have the same feeling like I did to him. then after that I was hopeless to get him, then hime came to me, asking me to join roleplay in myspace. and he CONFESSED to me after I enjoyed roleplaying and tried to forget about him. IT'S OUT OF MY CONTROL >_________>

if he was more aggressive replying my feeling in 9th grade, I wouldn't give up to get him!!! I wouldn't do RP!! I wouldn't meet my boyfriend and never could be R*****'s girlfriend!! instead being R*****'s girlfriend, maybe now I'm asun's boyfriend.. IF ...

*sighs*

how much our lives dependent of "if"?

if I did this.. I wouldn't be like this
if I did that.. I wouldn't be like that

such things like that, sounds really regretting your life now, for me..

and now, I shouldn't regret it.. I'm happy, and enjoying my life now. and maybe I should say thanks to asun, if he didn't break my heart ( okay he didn't, but his act showed me that I had no hope so I gave up ) I wouldn't do RP, and wouldn't meet R*****..

so yeah, I never want to change my past. what I have to change is my future :]


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♥ I miss you so much R***** ;______;