final test

I'm gonna get my final tests next monday and I'm very very afraid with them >____<
My head is full with so many numbers from math and CH from chemistry O.o;;

dizzyyyyyyyyyyy~~~~~ >___________<


and then, I missed /HIM/ so much today ;________;
I dont know why, just missed him. But I am not dare to text him again. I've texted him a lot this month so I dont want him to get charged as much as several months ago >_<

yesterday was our 5th months anniversary but I couldn't on so we couldn't meet and celebrate it .___.

though that, 6th months is going to be celebrated by us as well, Im pretty sure about it <3
[ if you still wanna be with me till that time, bet xD; ]


meanwhile..
I'm still confused with choosing 2 good photos for my modeling competition.. They asked me to give them 2 photos of my close up face. but I dont know which are better >_>;;
anyone, help me??

---------
bgm : gackt - last song
aaa~~ gakuto-sannn <333333

good bye?

since my sick has gotten worser, mom decided to block my internet from my desktop. and I couldn't do anything with that.. So, I'm sorry people. maybe I can't be here as much as used to be again ._____________.

nyoh. sebenernya alasannya yah karna tagihan spidi gw membengkak 2,4 juta (tagihan dari bulan april-mei) cumanan, haha, sperti biasa. jangan percaya yang gue ngmg di bahasa engrish 8D;; *setan*

yah jadinya skarang gue mao ngumpulin duit dulu =A=;; mao bayar utang ke enyak itu.. caranya?? mom asked me to be a model!!!! what the..?? ;A;

iye sii duitnya banyak, tapi kan KALO MENANG >___<

mana si bebek sama kana bilang ikut2 aja pula =3=;;
yawda deh, udah daptar gue. doain ye moga2 menang xDDDD

klo menang entar inet gue balik yeay 8D

doakan juga smoga saiah lulus tes afs.. >_> ah gue banyak amat sii mintanya xD;;

yawda ah... deeee

I just realize

if Robert is tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo nice to me D:

and we won't ever argue each other if it's not because of me who always start the cases o_o so all of the problems is only because of /me/ >___>;;

yah, klo gue enggak jutekin dia gue bakalan mesra terus kan yah? O_O;;

okay. I'm sorry robert >_<;; deeply apologize..

its really stupid because just realize it after a lot of things happened. He's just, too nice to me.. I shouldn't make him upset. so, because I don't want him to get upset more. I'm gonna be more mature started a minute ago :]

a new Seira has born =D wish me luck >.>

--

i love you too much robert ♥ wish I could see him soon

asunnn TT_________TT;;

today when I sent many texts with Asun again [ for who doesn't know who Asun is, Asun is someone that I loved when I was in 9th grade. you could read about him a little in here ] suddenly he asked my relationship with Robert. I told him that everything is going fine, though sometimes not. And he asked me directly whether I slapped robert too or not like I did to Asun everyday in last year [ my hobby is slapping people <3 but it's only a light slap D: ]

and I said no. [Or Have I ever done it to you, bet? o.o;;] and something stabbed me from Asun's words after that, "oh. so he doesnt know your original attitude, does he?"

.___________________________________________________________.




I'm feeling guilty....

---

I miss you ;_;

sex?

there are a guy from facebook added my MSN. he told me that he worked in making porn video or something like that o.o;

then after that, he started the conversation with pervy things. he told me that sex is beautiful, sex is good, I will love it after I do that. even he asked me to watch porn. yare yare, what the hell is he thinking about? >___>;;

I've told him that I'm not old enough to watch it. Hey, I'm just 15! o.o;; and really, it's not my priority. I'm gonna watch it maybe someday. but, it's maybe and someday ! but he still forced me indirectly to watch it. he told me that how come I do sex with my husband if I don't know how to do that well? I should learn from the videos at first. HELL NO!!!!!

maybe I don't know it well but I don't wanna watch it and I know my husband will understand it[or he should do xD] Maybe I'm pervert and often talk dirty things but I even cover my eyes when watching people's kissing so how come I can to see people do sex? And though I never see any guy's dick except my young brother's and surely I'm gonna get a chance to see it in porn video's, SO WHAT??? O__________O

like I care about those things?

Why should he force me? >_> my sex between me and my husband in the future is my problem and not his! o.o so dude, please respect me.. why should I watch porn? well okay, everyone has a choice and I choose not to watch it. am I wrong?

For me, somethings will be more precious and worthed if you do it in the right time. Like sex. I don't want to do sex before married not only because of my culture [asian] or my husband's happiness if he gets a virgin wife. But the main thing is it's for my own good. I believe that if I can wait till married to do sex, sex will be more worthed in me. Because it's special moment. If you can do sex in anytime and anywhere with anyone, it will be boring don't it? I want to keep my curiosity and make it larger till the right time for me to release it with my husband :]

well, this sentence is only good in Indonesia, "segala sesuatu itu indah pada waktunya" --> everything is beautiful at the suit time

then, lets take an example. If you eat much your favorite food than you should, You'll sick with them and dont want to eat it again later. But if you be patient and eat it rarely, you'll taste it better. So if I watch porn video now, I think I'm gonna addict with it [okay, I'm honest~ xD] and then always watch it. Consequence, someday I'm gonna sick with porn video and don't like sex anymore [impotent?lol]

And yeah, I know mostly people dont but I know myself well. If I do that, I'm gonna sick with it. So, no no no... not for now.. I prefer my future xD

No sex and no porn video in my life right now! o.o

and for me it's a little strange if you do love your lovers but can't wait to do sex with them. "OMG I love him/her so I've to do sex with him to show how much I love him/her" or "I'm sure I'm gonna marry him/her so why should I wait till the time? Let's do it now" or something like that. Well, not for me. If you really did love your lovers till die, you'd wait. Is it wrong to wait till the marriage for some months/years if you guys love each other? If you guys really love each other, all of you will marry right? So what's the difference?

just wait U___U

But nah, I'm not talking if having free sex is bad. nah. It's my opinion, not yours, right ;] so I respect yours, and I hope you guys will respect mine too
and for people who think if free sex is sin, well. who are you till you can judge it? o.o we all did sin right? lie is a sin too, but you will almost never say people who lie to you if they just do sin right? [ okay, I just learn about these topic several weeks ago tho, learn it because of my boyfriend's case ]
just be careful friends if you do it. prepare condom if you arent ready yet to be parents o.o and dont switch partners easily or you'd get sex disease easier. just warning n____n


Well, I'm not good in explaining but, I hope you guys would know my point of view for these case.

Im typing unwell >_>;; ready to go to my course. bye all o.o

---------
ily robert ♥

gembel lo pecun xD

i found something good when I was hacking people's myspace!! O.o

en ternyata ye, cewek yang gue benci bareng kana [elo benci juga kan bok? xD;] ngadu domba orang!!! D<>____<;;
ngapain sih dia ngadu2 ke bokap gw klo dia ada masalah? ngurusin sendiri aja ngape urusan dia?

mari kita sebut si bokap gue dengan sed dan tuh cewek sialan pake spet lalu si korban dengan nama... sapa ye namanye tadi xD;; yawda deh namanya si itu saja lol

jadi ceritanya si itu lage muji2 rambutnya si spet tapian terus entah knapa si spet ngadu2 ke sed klo si itu ngapainin dia yang jelek2. sed dengan rasa kepemimpinan yang tinggi(?) langsung ngamuk2in si itu. terus si itu yah ngamuk donk. orang dia kaga ngapa2in. terus dia ngmg, ngapain juga si sed bantuin spet? orang ini masalahnya si spet, en spet adalah seorang cewek gede o.o

and yeah. i think she's right >_> orang elo bisa kan ngurusin masalah elo sndiri? ngapain pake bawa2 orang buat brantem? tahi kamu o.o

udah ngadu2 enggak jelas, minta bapak gue tolongin dia, terus pasti nyengir tuh di blakang udah berhasil bikin orang brantem. kaga tau diri dah tuh *santet* D<

terus ternyataaaa.. terjadi kenyataan yang cukup memicu jantung saiah dan kana sodara2!!! >___> si itu ngmg klo si sed itu enggal riil!!!!! dan dari yang saiah dan kana tangkep, spet memainkan sed O_______________O

jadi si bapak saiah itu, peker?????? dan smuanya yang maenin mulai dari cowok gue en kana ampe temen2nya mereka si spet??

OH MY GOD I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!!!!! >_________>

klo seandainya yah beneran yang maenin smuanya itu si spet, well.. gue minta putus!!! 8D;;;
ogah gue pacaran sama cewek!! ogah ogah ogah!!!!!
lebih ogah lage pacaran sama peker!! ogah!!!!!

spet sialan dasar gembel D<>___>
apanya sii lo yang cakep. badan kayak babon juga D< oke toked gede *ngaku kalah* tapi setidaknya gue lbih proporsional ah *digampar* XDDDD
udah gitu jelek editannya.. masih bagusan gue, ya pan? 8Dv *ish bangga* xD
yang begitu tuh mao ngaku jadi tukang ngedit? ih gue aja yang bego bisa bikin lebih bagus daripada elo cinta.. ahahahahahha *ktawa sarap* xD;;;

udah ah capek. benci gue ama tuh pecun satu *digampar rame2 klo ktauan ngmgin* xDD

moga2 aja pada kaga sadar ye lol klo sadar yang ada gue ikutan diamukin massa xD

AFS

yesterday was my AFS test [exchange student, kay?] and it has 3 paper tests waiting for me -.-;

first is public knowledge. it took 120mins and really tiring x___x;; I only could answer 44 from 100 questions ;A; how come??? I had learned many important things for me that I thought that it would get out in the test, but there's no one appear >__<;;; this one is not pass ;3;

second is english language. this one is kinda easy. or shall I say if the test is really easy? O.o this one pass :D

third is indonesia language. I made an essay about what's my reason to join the exchange student and the impact if I'm chosen. It's really really /mengarang indah/ *doesnt know the english is*. My hand was really almost till the limit xDD;; but at least, this one I guess pass

waiting for 2nd june now.. I hope I'd see my name as the student who pass it >___>;;

i'm so sorry

now i just need to believe what I do believe right? and I shouldn't care about others opinion about my relationship. because our relationship is mine, not others

thanks for ruui and seth who realized me. i owe you all much <3

and robert.. im really sorry... .___.

aaarrrghh~ im almost crazy now.. i miss him again, a lot.. our conversation after 2weeks went bad today. but, okay. ive seen him and i know if he's alright, so it doesnt matter for me now :]

good bye all, for now

to be honest, it's hurt..

ahahahaha *laughs bitterly* in fact there were much more blood before but I had washed it.. unlucky . .

infected emo now.. and happy birthday seth <3

robert, I don't know what do you think about me, what's your feeling towards me, and what's my existence for in your life. I'm only one of your many friends and lovers in your great life, right?

am I only the one who think our relationship is not only an /online/ like chiyu's player told me but a relationship which only separated because of the distance? you have been inside my life 120%. you're my everything. but as got that statement from chiyu (see the previous post), I really get down ._________. maybe I'm nothing in your life. well yeah, maybe I get the status, your girlfriend, but no more.. maybe?

I got so many questions in my head right now..
have you ever thought to visit me someday? chiyu's words really get me down about it now.. really.. I know and care you can't afford it but.. *sighs* sorry, I'm a spoiled and bad girlfriend..
did you think our relationship is only a play like our roleplay accounts? only /A/ long distance online relationship that you shouldn't think about it too much not like I do?
do you feel like, love, or extremely love to me? due to a guy who has an online girlfriend told me that he didn't love his girlfriend but only like, meanwhile he still always says love to his girl because it's his responsibility makes me really get down over and over
what's my differentness with your others lovers? you can't touch me right? so why do you still wanna be with someone that you never meet and never can touch instead you have a lot of guys and chicks in there waiting for your love and ready to give their love and body more than I could..

..I don't have any confident now..

no, I don't mean I don't have any confident to be with you now or I want to break up with you, no. I overly love you, I really really do. but, I can't get those questions (and always gets multiply everytime) away from my mind



*sighs*

I really wish you could be here.. we haven't talked for about a week. so I just could read our conversation which I saved and smiled alone. not trying to be the pathetic one *nods*. maybe I just don't have any love or relationship experience before so it makes me like this. so that's why, I'm sorry.. and, I do really love you. I really do. I do!! ;__;


and today is seth's birthday, happy birthday dude <3 and simon cowell is hawt seth!! don't you know it? lol

--------------



I miss you a lot ♥

I... don't know what online relationship is about

I did a conversation with chiyu today which really stabbed my chest .___. here you go..

わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:30 PM):
online relationship
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:31 PM):
is suppose to be just 'online'
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:31 PM):
or
Seira says (3:31 PM):
.. what do you mean
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:31 PM):
listen you are the girl, and robert is the boy
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:31 PM):
so if he loves you
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:31 PM):
he will come here and meet you
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:31 PM):
he will try to find you
Seira says (3:31 PM):
....................................
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:32 PM):
in this position who will some to see the other?
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:32 PM):
you!
Seira says (3:32 PM):
... I dont come to his place yet ._.
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:32 PM):
*come
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:32 PM):
Yet
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:32 PM):
but soon!
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:32 PM):
XD
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:32 PM):
right?
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:32 PM):
you have a plan
Seira says (3:33 PM):
.. well.. he just, doesnt have money to go >.>
Seira says (3:33 PM):
I should think about it..
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:33 PM):
>.>
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:33 PM):
<.<
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:33 PM):
seira
Seira says (3:33 PM):
O.o
Seira says (3:33 PM):
what??
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:33 PM):
indonesia is a cheap country
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:34 PM):
a cup of tea even not reach a buck!
Seira says (3:34 PM):
O.o yeah.. but still, the ticket shouldnt be as cheap as the tea!
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:35 PM):
maybe the tickets is expensive
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:35 PM):
but, if he really really loves and wants to meet you
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:35 PM):
he'll go save his money
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:36 PM):
one by one bucks
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:36 PM):
i dont want to negative thinking to him
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:36 PM):
but, i do love you
わぉ(;'o▲O艸)) -- says (3:36 PM):
and i dont want something really bad happen to you



I... dont know..

I really dont know ._____________.

------------------------------

miss you ♥ wish you were here..

kana told me her dream today... a silly dream about her homestay

so the story is :
kana wrote a letter to her family that she would live with together in L.A (homestay) then she told his boyfriend jonas the address. after that Jonas laughed and told her that it was Seth's home. Kana, in shock, asked Seth and Seth asked her back whether how could she knew his address. then kana went to L.A. there are Seth, Jonas and my boyfriend, Robert (now I'm thinking that I shouldn't keep it as the secret again, sorry bet >.<) picked up Kana to Seth's home Then we got some silly conversation in Indonesia (our brains are mess up as well today so no english each other), I'm gonna wrote the translation in english anyway in RED :]


Seira - is officialy hating YOU-KNOW-WHO >D - says:
aanggg... gue maonya klo homestay-an di rumahnya obet >3< anng... but if I do homestay, I wanna in Robert's home >3<

Seira - is officialy hating YOU-KNOW-WHO >D - says:
tapian gw bertaruh kluarganya entar kesusahan ama gue 8D;;;; but I bet if his family would get many bad things and problems because of me 8D;;;

F a k e ☆ • K ☆ says:
xDDDDDD;;;;

Seira - is officialy hating YOU-KNOW-WHO >D - says:
jadi, gue bareng elo aja sama daddy *nemplok* so let me be with you and daddy (seth) *sticks on kana*

F a k e ☆ • K ☆ says:
adany ntar lu gamau dkamar laen, maunye skamar ma obet lol you'd want to get others room because you wanted to be robert's roommate lol

Seira - is officialy hating YOU-KNOW-WHO >D - says:
*GAMPAR* *SLAPS*

Seira - is officialy hating YOU-KNOW-WHO >D - says:
O___O

F a k e ☆ •K ☆ says:
bener kan? am I right?

Seira - is officialy hating YOU-KNOW-WHO >D - says:
kaga no

F a k e ☆ •K ☆ says:
oh kirain oh, I thought

Seira - is officialy hating YOU-KNOW-WHO >D - says:
*malingin muka* *throws my face*

F a k e ☆ • K ☆ says:
kagak salah lagi? not wrong?

Seira - is officialy hating YOU-KNOW-WHO >D - says:
*gmpar* *slaps again*

Seira - is officialy hating YOU-KNOW-WHO >D - says:
ogaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh NO WAYYYYY

F a k e ☆ • K ☆ says:
MBHUAHUAHUAHUAHUA

Seira - is officialy hating YOU-KNOW-WHO >D - says:
>///3///<;;;;

Seira - is officialy hating YOU-KNOW-WHO >D - says:
*TABOKIN KANA* *slaps kana many times*

Seira - is officialy hating YOU-KNOW-WHO >D - says:
OGAHOGAHOGAHHHHH NOWAYNOWAYNOWAYNOWAY

Seira - is officialy hating YOU-KNOW-WHO >D - says:
jangan kayak temen gue loooo Dont you be like my classmates

F a k e ☆ • K ☆says:
huh? huh?

Seira- is officialy hating YOU-KNOW-WHO >D - says:
smua bilang gw alesan mao homestay di sono pengennya di rumah obet, skamar ama obet everyone said my reason for doing homestay is live in robert's home and get a room together with him

Seira - is officialy hating YOU-KNOW-WHO >D - says:
biar bisa berbuat sesuatu yang dilarang ortu so we could do something that parent's not allow us

F a k e ☆ • K ☆ says:
ghuahuahuahauahuhaaa




jaaahhh... It's not like thattt >3<;;; reallyyy O___o
I was sure if I got a room together with my boyfriend, I'd gonna die soon before he could touch me even a little bit part of my skins lol

so well.. *coughs after saw kana's valentine present from jonas*
that's all I guess for now

-----

robert, miss you too much till my chest felt like being stabbed *lebay* .___. where are you? U_U ♥

take it 8D

a guy tried to flirt me.. he asked me to give him my pics because he thought that I was so cute. cute? makan tuh cute dari bojong *tabok2in tuh cowok ganjen*

okay, back to the english *alah*
so I gave him about 2-3 new pics. but he asked me more = ="
though I told him that I already had a boyfriend ♥ but he still didn't give up *sighs*
and because I was so depressed I told him I have a favorite pic but I wasn't sure that he wanted it. but he forced me to so I gave hi

so yeah, here you go ;D












you asked me to give you. not me lol *dances*

after that he looked down and didn't reply my post, till now >DDDDD *devilish*

and I'm gonna off now.. not sleepy but I need to take a nap >_>