I hate IF

the person that I loved veryyyyyyy much when I was in 9th grade, Asun, texted me again today. we talked about a lot of light things and stuffs, and suddenly I slipped out to him that I had a boyfriend now (r*****, if you read this blog, yes, it's you)

and then, he told me, "If you still remember, in the past you have ever told me that having relationship was something which it is so precious for you when it really happened in your life. but something which its so precious for you was held by someone that you even never met in your whole life. it's nothing but really weird for me"


is it, really weird for you? .___.

then, I told my best friend, Jessica, she told me that Asun was jealous and pissed off. she means, after all the things and sacrifices that he had done for me and he felt very close with me to get me, now a guy who's suddenly came into my life being my boyfriend as well, defeated him. so, asun got broken hearted again because of me. he isn't willing to let me go with strange guy.

I was spechless with asun emoticons. he never used " ^ ^ " whenever texting me.. but he did it today, when I was talking about my boyfriend. It scared me so much.. I know if he is mad at me.. he is sad, also pissed..



then... talking about past

now who's wrong???

I did rp because of him!!!!!! because I thought he didnt have the same feeling like I did to him. then after that I was hopeless to get him, then hime came to me, asking me to join roleplay in myspace. and he CONFESSED to me after I enjoyed roleplaying and tried to forget about him. IT'S OUT OF MY CONTROL >_________>

if he was more aggressive replying my feeling in 9th grade, I wouldn't give up to get him!!! I wouldn't do RP!! I wouldn't meet my boyfriend and never could be R*****'s girlfriend!! instead being R*****'s girlfriend, maybe now I'm asun's boyfriend.. IF ...

*sighs*

how much our lives dependent of "if"?

if I did this.. I wouldn't be like this
if I did that.. I wouldn't be like that

such things like that, sounds really regretting your life now, for me..

and now, I shouldn't regret it.. I'm happy, and enjoying my life now. and maybe I should say thanks to asun, if he didn't break my heart ( okay he didn't, but his act showed me that I had no hope so I gave up ) I wouldn't do RP, and wouldn't meet R*****..

so yeah, I never want to change my past. what I have to change is my future :]


--------
♥ I miss you so much R***** ;______;

so..

another medicines again __ __;;

*laughs bitterly*

couldn't say how come my legs could be like this in english cause someone important shouldn't read it. so I wrote in Indonesia ;]





















sebenernya ini gara2 lulur temulawak sii xD;;; cumanan guenya aja yang lebay biar ayank gue panik *minta digaplok*

jadi koneng gitu ye ;___;

kaga ilang tuh. ampe hari ini juga masih aja koneng.. kaga cuman di kaki, tapi juga ketek sama sikut gue... ih sialan itu temulawak >_>;;;

hurt

I got my monthly period today -___-;; same with anchi

gets dizzy... stomachache as well.. feels tired so bad.. and others..

grr.. I hate this day x_X

barbie pink *_*

see the barbie pink one? I ordered it to Dark several days ago ;D
it's expensive enough for me but because I like the color ♥ so I ignored the price ( after thought about it for a month ) xDD

wish it will suit to me *_*

haha, why recently I often use pink? lol is it because I'm in love? *laughs*

-------------------

missing my boyfriend ♥ T_T

*tabok Henry*

Henry, an old cousin of my best friends, asked me to help him with his school project about editing in photoshop. not only yesterday but so today is!! lol

Well, I'm not good doing it but cause he promised me that he would buy me a starbuck and because I'm pity with him ( hey, that's my best friend cousin xD; ) I helped him as good as I could

how nice I am (ﾉ´∀｀*)ﾉ *gets slapped from anywhere* xDD

tali pocong perawan

Today I watched tali pocong perawan with my friends at Gading :] it's not so good, a little bit porn too because Dewi Persik showed her body over than she should, for me D:

no thumbs up.. not so good. but at least it still could entertain me xD

yeay we win ♥

Today I and Seth had won a fight against a conceited and brainless S**'s faker, you-know-who!!! 8D yeay, seth is cool! *highs five* xDDDD~

this is for S**'s sake.. I dont want people fake him.. I mean, let him having a nice rest on there.. .__. though I don't know him, but I pray for his goodness ^3^/ haha.. could I talk about pray right now due I haven't gone to the church since easter? 8D;;;;

it's very mean..

hahaha.... kana, lakukan sesuai rencana jgua yah *tos sama kana* xD


And also I blocked 2 (chicks?) guys from myspace who had thought that I was courtney O.o because they're fakers as well.. with a very very nonsense reason to hate an amazing and nice chick like spade. it's really bad =.=

then, I got.. well.. my boyfriend's pic.. from seth. shirtless =////="
and I'd gonna die at the moment if I didnt close it quickly during seth's laugh to me xD;;


ish happy <33

----

miss you again, R***** ;3; <3 ily.. D;

yesterday I got. .

bleeding 8D;;;;;;;;;;




















ahahahahaha... 8D;;;; *sweats drop*
well, I should say if it's hurt me as well 8D;;

don't ask me where does the blood come from XD;;;;;;;

----

missing my boyfriend so much ;_;

dance dance revolution

then after had eaten the sushi, we accompanied kana and yabi playing dance dance revolution ;D

rui-kun's birthday

rui-kun invited us to PIM today, eating sushi together to celebrate rui-kun's birthday :3

there are kana, garret, yabi, miiku, and others ;D it's so fun

my tummy has fulled!! lol

stella

8D;; ahahahahaha *laughs bitterly*

for people who know what kind of joke is please keep silent 8D;;

fat fat fat

now who is the person dare to call me slim again after seeing this pic? >___>

I've told you, I'm full of fat U________U

vaio luxury pink

I wanted this pinky notebook!!!! >____<





really really want it.. *__*

Mom said that I could get it but, I've to increase my weight!!! O__o
are she kidding?? I want to decrease it but she told me that I HAVE to do that if I want the notebook?

so the rules are =
- Increase the weight min. 3kg
- Have to NEVER let it decrease anymore
- If I break the rules, the notebook will be thrown away

naaahh >A<;;
that's really hard!!!!


what should I do ;__;

last

I touched a BIG snake!!!

the sanca snake which is the most big snake in east asia 8DDDD

though I was so afraid with it, but for took this pic and showed you, I tried to force myself being dare and... here it is..


















the day was so tiring as well d( -A-;;)b


---------------

miss my boyfriend so much ;3;

the reptil's jungle

meet a big crocodile 8D;;

















he is bigger than me!!! 8D;;; *sweats drop*

I wwould die if the crocodile got out from there xDD;;

being bitten!!! >A<;;

stupid gooses!!!! At first I only wanted to give them foods with by myself. So I bought the fish's food and gave it to them..

I put the foods on my palms and offered them, hoping that they would come and eat it..






















and....


cause maybe toooooooo passion or what, they bit my fingers!!!!!!!! >A<;;;;;;;;; *throws koteka to them*

stupid goose! I was nice to you but why did you do it to me? ;A; *curses*

merak

en then, inside the bird's jungle. I met a merak!!! 8DDDDD

It has very very good feathers. so I took the pic of it xD





















isn't it beautiful ? 8D

it's only in Indonesia I heard.. so people outside there who is being attracted by it, come to here!!! lol

TMII

Today I went to TMII with my friends for our english conversation's project ;D
this is the ugly me in bird's jungle.. with much sweat on my face xD





















the hat is my friend's..

sick

sick... I'm shivering and getting cold as well = ="
I even got overslept ;A; in fact, I wanted to get on earlier so I could meet my boyfriend longer. but this body.. ughh... I wanted to slap myself like I used to be but now I've had a swear to not do that to my boyfriend..

then I heard from my boyfriend that my boyfriend's female co-worker had flirted him 8(>A<)8
my boyfriend said, this is the conversation between them =


the chick = *flirts R*

R = stop. I have a girlfriend

the chick = wow, she's lucky *continues to flirt*


die you, BITCHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DXXXXXXXXXXX *deathglares*

yes I'm lucky cause I'm having him!! so what? ENVY? D< I know what's your feeling cause it's easy being envy with me who is the R's girlfriend. ahahahahaha 8D *laughs crazily*

BUTTTT, he is mine, not yours!!! don't you understand the condition as well? he had told you that you had to stop your act but why you didn't do that?? do you not understand the rules?? you have to NOT flirt anyone who has in a relationship!! how bitchy are you? is there no one guys in L.A who can you flirt or what?? why should my boyfriend?? D:

give up okay?? go away you bitch. don't you bother us. dont you flirt him. you, are not for him!! and he isn't for you!! he's mine mine mineee... 8(>____________<)8

GOT IT HUH? DX

don't ever try to steal him from me if you want to live longer!!

*exhales deeply* okay, after that, my boyfriend .. well.. did silly and.. ummm... pervert thing to me .////.;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
nyah, I got a heart attack cause him x///D;;;;;;;

and I can't write what happen to us this day, cause it's only for private consume lol

-----

I love my boyfriend sooooo much <3

yesterday . .

I went to PIM yesterday to meet kana, garret, ruui, mipup, chiyu, and others \(>w<)/ before that, I took care my exchange students form. and I get caught in rain ;__; consequence, now I'm still shivering.. I think I'm gonna get sick soon __ __;;

then I bought an ice blended in coffee bean 8D





















then I accompanied kana and garret playing in timezone. When I was seeing them, I just could be --> \(O__O)/









































see how serious were they playing xDDDD

oh yeah. my lips almost being kissed by kana \(= =\;;)
forgive me kana.. I won't talk like that again.. so dont steal my first >A<;;;;;;;;


---------
I miss HIM <33

pore pack

tidak pede dengan hidung anda yang berkomedo?
tidak nyaman dengan komedo yang menempel?
tidak tahu bagaimana harus menghilangkannya?
tidak tahu harus memakai apa?

untuk menghilangkan komedo yang menggangu, pakailah biore pore pack \8D/ *iklan kaga jelas xD*

4th months anniversary ♥

yes... today is my 4th months anniversary ♥♥♥

Happy dating (?) lol

I love you so much my beloved R*****


Sorry I can't write your name in here. Cause I don't have your permission to write from you ;]
I hope we could celebrate our 1st years anniversary ;DDD *kisses R all over*

again, I love you.. toooo much

I'm sorry Kana..

I'm sorry I couldn't help you
I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy
I'm sorry cause I'm an useless friend
I'm sorry cause I never do nothing to you

I wanted to help you,
I do really want to
But my strength and power isn't good enough
to help all of your problems..

I'm sorry I just could hear your problems, without could solve it together
I'm sorry I just could know you crying, without could wipe your tears up
I'm sorry I just could see you suffered, without could pick you up from there
I'm sorry I just could being panic today, without could get and give any help

I want you to be happy
after all the bad things happened to you
I want you to have someone special that you love and love you in return
after so many people hurt you so badly

I'm sorry cause I gave your Jonas into your life
I really really do
If I knew what kind of person he was at first
I'm sure I wouldn't let you being hurt by him

But I can't judge him,
like you and robert said
we're human
and don't have perfectness

I can't say that Jonas is bad or what
Because he is he
I just realize now
Maybe he isn't someone for you

so be strong again Kana!!
I'm going to help you through this world
though I can't help you like you want me to
I hope you knew that I'd always be your side

could I? ♥

I'm happy today for this reason <3333

Seira says (11:39 AM):

mom seeing our conf now lol

Seira says (11:39 AM):

*a little nervous*

R***** says (11:40 AM):

hi mom!

Seira says (11:40 AM):

xDDDDDD she said, "hello menantu"

Seira says (11:40 AM):

well.. what's the english *searches in dictionary*

Seira says (11:41 AM):

son in law?

Seira says (11:41 AM):

lol

Seirasays (11:41 AM):

nah.. she just kidding xD;

R***** says (11:42 AM):

oh, haha, I wouldnt mind being son in law

Seira says (11:43 AM):

O////O dont make me missunderstanding xDD;; *blushes and gets spechless*

R***** says (11:43 AM):

what is the misunderstanding? I wouldnt mind being your husband

Seira says (11:43 AM):

O////////////////////O

Seira says (11:44 AM):

gonna collapse soon . . . . .

R***** says (11:44 AM):

Ill catch you

Seira says (11:44 AM):

Ill melt

Seira says (11:45 AM):

nah.. you wouldn't.. cause I will nver can to be a good wife

R***** says (11:48 AM):

why do you say that?

Seira says (11:48 AM):

I.. cant cook >.>

R***** says (11:50 AM):

I can

R***** says (11:50 AM):

Ill teach you

R***** is my beloved boyfriend <333 I edited our name since I was using my real MSN and he was using his roleplay's. I've to edit our name on here due to our privacy ;D *though some people already know our name xD;*

And, because I was too shock at that time.. I forgot to type this..

"I wouldn't mind being your wife too <3"

ahahahaha... silly xD;; *gets blushing alone after wrote it* marry me R***** x//DDDDDDD~ *laugh crazily* lol

dizzy as hell

why suddenly I got a news that my family has a problem with tax?
it's about.. USD60.000

*sighs*

I thought that the tax has been finished since we had bribed the persons who worked in the tax department. But we were wrong. we still had to pay about USD60.000 to them as the tax for my new home



U________________________U;;;;;;;

I've gotta move from this home soon. Since dad has no job again due to his manager has ran away bringing the business money last year (or maybe 2 years ago?)

and, my dad wanna get a new job but he still has to concerned with police in a long time till now due to the case of his manager. that made him really hard to get a new job U_U;;;

I think, I will rarely get on again .. *sighs*



hahaha.. this is a destiny of a poverty *laughs bitterly*

*stress*

who could gimme much money as soon as possible????????????? *screams loudly*

------ missing him

is tooooo happy having him

Today I confessed to my boyfriend that a guy kissed me..

I had already prepared for every possibility that would happen to me if I have told him that. Though friends told me to keep it as the biggest secret, but I dont wanna do that. Cause in relationship, for me is the most thing that we have to do is be honest to our lover no matter what. Also, I HATE liar and lie so much!! That's why I told my boyfriend. And, out of my expectation. He didn't mad at me!!! U___Uv *smiles in cry*

thanks a lot...... <333333333333333333

He told me that it's not my fault till I've been kissed. And I'm not disgusting. he even told me that this is the guy's -who kissed me- fault.. Though I shouldn't be happy. But I didnt know why I smiled so wide hearing that. But my boyfriend told me, I certainly could be happy cause he got mad because of care about me. I think he's right ^3^ yes. I'm happy he cares about me =D

then....








"you're my only highlight today"

guess whooooo has said that to me???? *laughs crazily* lol ruui, kana, garret, chiru, mipup, nenek, nyan, everyoneeeeeee~~~~~ robert who has said thattttttttt xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD *dances and blows kisses to everyone* (^//O//^)/ -sebenernya kaga sneng2 amat sii. cumanan ini buat kamuflase si bule yang naksir gue itu.. yang namanya tidak boleh disebutkan disini karna walo dia kaga bisa bahasa indo tetep aje ngerti ada namanya ditulis xDDD-

yeay! I'm happy xDDDDDD
those words really the reason which make me want to live longer...


and now, I'm cuddling with my boyfriend now. Gotta go lol bye bye

--ilysm my bf<33

*___*

Today my boyfriend sent me a text once..

Well, I sent a text to him when I was going to sleep the day before and thought that he wouldnt reply due to his overlimit credit. And also, I just sent him... "I love you, really"

I didnt expect that he would reply that useless text *//*

I think it's only the most important thing today =D

I love you so much, r***** <33333333333

TwT

I had to sing in front of my class alone for the music exam.. TwT;;;

and then I sang ayat-ayat cinta by Rossa. Well, the song was very nice but when I was singing it, it became bad as hell >D


this day is tiring \(-A-;; )/


---
I miss my boyfriend so much. ilrsm ♥

well..

another guy confessed his feeling to me.. A guy named Leon from New York. and well... I really never expected that he would delete all of his friends in myspace only to make me trust his love. cause, hey. Who will trust someone that just met a person in one day then that person directly confess?

I'm not a person who trust people easily O.o;;

but, for that proof. It's really make me trust him completely..
He even waited me from 10pm-2am in his time... well, I ... *gets spechless* dont know what should I say to him u.u

why there are so many guys confessed to me when I'm having a boyfriend like R?? >___>

Is it a test for me? D;




whatever...

today's pic =





















tired now... so bye

headache

dizzyyyyy~ \(-A-;; )

I already cut my hair anyway, but cause I'm too lazy to take the pics, I'm gonna do it in 1-2 days kay? xD;

I had a special moment today which I only want to keep it in the deepest heart of mine =w=



Nothing should I tell now xD;
so bai bai

what the..?

Today met my boyfriend ♥
I'm kinda being an asshole today, not in a good mood. That feeling still haunted me .__. a feeling who wanted to hurt myself... I hate this >_>;;

and kana. I'm sorry I cant help you at all ;__;

oh yeah, I met a crazy guy from NY today.. Leon is very crazy lol
I even can't stop laughing when chatting with him cause he is so SILLY XDDD

going to cut my hair to Johnny Andrean =>
bye people

I'm officialy back to RP

And thanks to Michelle mkay? lol

Well, though that I'll stop to flirt people cause I dont want to be the seducer one now =D
I hope I'll get many funny things ^2^

AFS

Finally I got a form from AFS (an exchange student)
I'm going to choose Japan and United States as my destination in this exchange student. Please wish me luck *prays* XD

for people that don't understand Indonesia, I think better all of you skip this one xD
I was chatting with my nichan and telling him my problem. he is a good listener =D

so, here you go.. *mao ngekursing2 kaga bisa takut diliat orang xD*
kana, it's dedicated to you also lol

Lucifer is my nichan, and the cielers one is me =]



cielers_666: haha... *tawa getir* bangsat dasar orang lenteng agung. mati aja lo ke laut. pecun lo pade tau gak! gue sumpain anu lo pada borokan! D< dasar smut pirang en merah kurang ajar. puas elo pade ye dah nyakitin gw ama kana? sneng? dasar taikotok lo smua. sampah! anjing lo bet!!! sumpah gw benci banget sama elo! ampe gw sakit2 aja masih onlen buat elo. tapi el malahnelantarin gue kayak gini. kurang apa siiiihhhhh gue ke elo? kayake smua dah gw kaseh deh.. bangsat dah lo jonas. gw baek2 ama elo biar elo ama kanan hubungannya lancar. kenapa elo malah ngehina gue? elo mao putus ato ancur juga kaga ada apa2 ama gue. gue gak rugi ape2... laknat dasar. whoreeee
cielers_666: *lage keki berat*
Lucifer kun: kamu di atas itu marah2 kenapa ?? wahahaha sok atuh klo masih mau ngamuk ^^
cielers_666: haha. iya marah...
cielers_666: kmaren di saat aku udah mao bunuh diri, tetep aja tuh dia gak ada
cielers_666: maonya apa siiiiiiiiiii
cielers_666: *jerit*
Lucifer kun: udah gak boleh gitu ^^
Lucifer kun: rupanya kamu toh ^^ kemarin Cece juga cerita sama aku.. tapi nama dirahasiakan ^^
cielers_666: cerita apa dia?
Lucifer kun: cerita tentang temen na dia, katanya yah mau bunuh diri dan seterus na....

cielers_666: aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
cielers_666: *gamparin nichan, bondej, kitikin* ;A;
Lucifer kun: ngapain di bondej
Lucifer kun: dasar
Lucifer kun: udah kayak apaan aja
Lucifer kun: masih mau ngamuk ??
cielers_666: maooooooooooo
cielers_666: robert gilaaaa... anjing lo.. laknat... pecun!!!!! mati aja lo kena aids sono.. jangan bawa2 gue tapinya... dasar penepu.. gw yakin elo feker!!! terus juga ngapaen sih janji2 bakalan slalu ada buat gue hah?? sama halnya kayak jonas!!! dasar orang2 lenteng agung brengsek.. enggak punya hatiiiiiii
cielers_666: klo elo mao gue ada, gue pasti bakalan ada.. tapi knape sii klo gw minta elo ada bntaran aje.. KAGA PERNAH ADa??? D< emang cuman elo apa ye bule yang cakep.. awal2nya juga klo cuman kesiyan gw gk bakalan mao tau gak sii sama elo! gw takut aje ngeRPnya jadi gak enak, mangkanya gw terima. ujung2nya gw jadi penyakitan en sgala bad things ngampirin gue. dasar elo anak pembawa sial. haram. bastard dah lo! kiss your borokan and kutilan dick!!!!
Lucifer kun: ^^
Lucifer kun: masih ada lagi ?? gak papa.. biar kamu na tenangan ^^
Lucifer kun: klo udah ngamuk nanti juga tenang sendiri kok ^^
cielers_666: semut pirang anjinggggggggggggggg
cielers_666: semut merah bangsatttttttttt
cielers_666: nyakitin orang indonesiaaa
cielers_666: dasar amrik terorissss!!!!! D<
cielers_666: bukan cuman terorisin irak yang kaga salahhh, juga terorisin hati anak bangsa
cielers_666: emang knapa sii amerika tuh jaat amat? kaga bisa ye punya moral en ati dikit aje???
cielers_666: gw berdua kana tuh pasti bakalan slalu nepatin janji at least kita bener2 enggak bisa, tapi knapa elo berdua kaga punya etika buat ngebalesnye?????
cielers_666: we shouldn't deserve this! karna kita ada lah orang baik 8D enggak kayak elo manusia sampah
cielers_666: dasar bi kurang ajar... lo pikir lo cakep en bagus ye bisa jalin hubungan sama cowok? enggak sehat tau gak! elo pikir gw bisa terima orang kayak gitu? KAGA!!!!! terus knapa gw maseh ama elo? soalnya gw kaga tau siapa lage yag bisa gw sakitin slaen elo. cause people around me is so special and BETTER THAN YOU!!!! gw kaga bisa nyakitin mereka dengan brada di sisi mereka
cielers_666: makanya gw mao ama elo!!! biar elo yang sakit!!! anjing. mati lu
cielers_666: *ngos2an*
cielers_666: =-=
Lucifer kun: cepcepcep ^^ gak papa ^^
Lucifer kun: lampiasin ajah ^^
cielers_666: *mewek di dada nichan*
cielers_666: ;----;
cielers_666: nichannn.....
Lucifer kun: klo dipendem dalam ati nanti malah gak baik ^^
cielers_666: benci ayankkuuuuuuuu
cielers_666: ;--------;



see this one kana? I hope it will make you feel better too =D

bad day

today I go to a psychologist. and it's really like what had I thought about. It's really annoying. I really knew what would the doctor said and responded to all of my answers. I knew so well what would she told me to make myself feel better. And also I think if it's really useless to waste my time and money only to talk with someone that I didn't know

Maybe the doctor thought that I couldn't solve my own problems and couldn't find any place to share them. But I really did!

I've a lot of friends to share my problem with. I always tell them my problems, though they couldn't help and only gave stupid suggestion, at least it's not much different than the doctor

oh please mom, I hate this..

I can solve my problem by myself. I don't need doctor, doctor, and doctor again. I'm okay. My disease had finally gone from my life. So what do you have to care for?

Don't waste your money again only for this stupid and silly things for me. It's really useless. If I need someone to talk, I can talk with my friends. Not with the doctor... got it?


I hate doctor!! D8

---- still missing him a lot... though I almost did suicide yesterday cause in unconscious and sent him message, telling him that I wanted to hear his voice -to make me feel better and forget my plan-, he didn't answer. I don't know why. Maybe he thought that it's not important. But in fact, it really did *sighs* okay, I don't want to argue with him. I need to unconcerned about it. So hope yesterday I can to be uncompromising.

night

I'm sick with Indonesia!

Since Indonesia had an argue with Dutch cause Fitna movie, Indonesia said Tuesday it would block access to YouTube unless the video-sharing Web site removes an anti-Muslim film by a Dutch lawmaker.

Now Indonesian (by the government's decision) has no access to Youtube, MySpace, Metacafe, Rapidshare, Multiply, Liveleak and Themoviefitna. And the newer news is, Indonesia has a plan to block google too as well. Are you happy president with all of this stupid things?

I don't understand. Why should the government do this to their people? Why we cannot use those useful websites to search information and data for our study and knowledge only cause that video?

It's useless sir..

If people want to access them, they will find some tricks to fool the government. And now, yes. I found it ;] *smiles confidently*

though I know this trick will not stay longer [if goggle will be blocked, die me. cause that's the most important thing for this trick] but at least I can access them for a moment..

Well, I'm gonna find others ;D I need world information as much as I need and no one can stop me..


---- I still miss my boyfriend..

Am I bipolar? >__>

I don't know why this feeling happen to me. yesterday I felt that I was the luckiest and happiest person in this world cause I had a lot of nice friends, a gentle boyfriend, and a warm family. But today, I felt that I was the most abandoned person in this world

I felt, also thought that,

no one really love me..

no one really care about me..

no one really want to be my friend..

and no one trust me completely..




I felt like a shit cause thinking shitty things like that. But what could I do? That feeling appeared suddenly without I wanted to.

I even thought to cut my wrist. Luckily I didn't have any cutter. Even not, *sighs* I don't know what will happen to me today.. Yes, teacher got angry to me. She told me that I have to not do that silly thing. And also my close friends prevented me. But, I didn't think that they really want me to stop it. Cause after that, they still smiled and talked happily to others, ignoring me. they didn't really care about me!!

So, the question is, Who will cry from their deepest heart if I'm die?

I bet no one. Cause I'm not so special for anyone till can make them cry only for me. .
I'm just a dumbass chick who always makes troubles to people around me

I'm sorry that I'm alive..

boring time

Found this on Bebek's jugem. ikutan yah bek ;D

1. Who do you want to be with right
now?
• my boyfriend

2. Will you be sad if the girl/boy you
love treat you badly?
• Absolutely

3. Will you do any silly things in
order to be more happy?
• It depends

4. You prefer a good looking opposite
sex or a kind hearted?
• maybe good looking opposite sex? -doesn't really understand the question lol-

5. you prefer to be alone or with
friends?
• friends, but as long as they don't feel being bothered by me

6. You prefer to be with the opposite
sex you love or alone?
• opposite sex I love of course. Cause he's going to make me feel better

7. Will you wait for the opposite sex
or give in when you finds out that the
opposite sex like the other instead of
you?
• >___>;; I guess wait is better

8. Do you use vulgar often
• Yes I do

9. How do you vent your anger?
• Secret

10. Do you trust your friends?
• Yes I do

11. How do you release your sadness?
• Sleeping

12. Do you have someone in your mind
and heart right now?
• *points someone in L.A*

13. Do you usually go online?
• yep

14. what time is it now?
• I don't know..

15. What time you usually sleep?
• 2a.m lately

16. Do you cry to make yourself to
sleep?
• I almost never cry..

17. What hurt you the most?
• if people that I love and care leave me

18. What make you the happiest?
• being loved and cared

19. Do you want the time to be turned
back?
• I don't need to turn back the time cause what I need is stop the time right now

20. Which is your favourite countries ?
• Japan

21. Which is your favourite place?
• my own room

22. Do you always count on luck to get
what you wanted?
• not always

23. Do you believe in dreams?
• I don't think so

asldaihferl;gdrsdbajks

akhir2 ini saiah merasa emo sndiri.. madesu abis ;(

Seeing my classmates flirted, kissed, and hugged their boyfriend/girlfriend each other made me totally jealous. terus terus.. all of my GUY-friends had their girlfriend's photos inside their wallet, showing me how much they loved their girlfriend. After that, I saw so many people in myspace having their photo with their lover when they're kissing...

saiah iri mamaaaaa TAT *tendang2 komputer*

kog masa muda saiah harus sepi gene sii? ;A;
why should I feel this way??
mao bekstrit juga kaga bisa... saiah enggak brani boongin enyak *mewek*

bahkan temen skolah saiah pun yang kayaknya lepelnya di bawah saiah pun udah pernah pacaran. kog saiah yang beloonnnnn ;A;
emang saiah kurang apa sii??????? *pede mode on* >____>

aku juga mau punya pacar yang normal layaknya anak SMA biasa ;3;
bukan onlen relasionsip kayak geneeee TTATT
It's really brutal and also cruel if you have a boyfriend that you really love but you can't touch or hug him.. ;-----;
also this *kicks the time different* makes me can't meet him as long as I need..

mana akhir2 ini tergoda nyemok lage ;-; obet sehh.... ngmg2 sgala rokoknya *padahal sndiri yang nanya* xD;
Marlboro lights sounds good nee?

tadi juga ada temen cowok saiah yang ngajakin nyemok klo beneran penasaran. But, If I didn't remember what have my boyfriend told me, I bet I'd join my friend to smoke on a roof's school today..

ya Tuhan.. moga2 aja saiah enggak tergoda lage TAT
Aho also told me that Esse is great. gakh >____>;;;
I want to try smoking, but................ >______>;;; *dilemma*

---------

insomnia again *sighs*
-- I miss myboyfriend again D; can't wait till thursday to meet him again

two thumbs up

Starbucks is great






















My thumb is hawt lol

ittai~

Got a facial today >_>;;
And you know what? Doctor told me to not eat seafood, egg, and milk =___=;;

What the..? Doc?

After I couldn't eat cold drink, junk food, and some food that I like, now I'm not allowed to eat them? ;A;

How terrible my destiny *sighs*

-- I'm still missing him. hope he would be here tomorrow..

want to be beautiful

Yes, I want to be beautiful *___*
So that's why, I bought these stuff.. Well, that's enxpensive enough.. More than my monthly money ;3;
But it's okay.. As long as it really works well like it used to be..

-- still missing him <3

First Post

hello hello.. Since I've forgotten the mail and the pass my last blogspot, I made the new one 8D

cause English isn't my mother language, I'm sorry if you will find many mistakes from my grammar..

Anyway, today my back got an accident ;A;
When I was playing with my friend, someone wanted to toss a wood desk to her. But I hugged my friend, protecting her.. and yes, the desk wasn't bump my friend, but bumped my waist back..

It was almost bleeding but I cleaned it by wet tissue.. it just, very hurt..

well, he, who has bumped me, should get a punish.. *sighs*
But I didn't do anything to him.. I was very weak at that time. even not, I bet I'd kick him and toss him with the same stuff...

Franky, you're baddd!!! ;A; *curses*

I even couldn't walk and sit well.. my back was very hurt, and also it left a scar which I didn't know could it being cured or not ;____;

okay.. Now I just need to leave cause I can't sit for a long time right now

Good bye

-- I miss my bf so much.. <3 ;3;